Articles

Losing Does not a Loser Make

This is in response to Kahana Chin's article, "Can You Take Losing?" I agreed with a good bit of what he said, and definitely suggest reading that article before this one. I also feel that some parts of it deserved a few observations from a slightly different perspective, and other parts, direct replies.

Losing is failing to win or tie a game; losers are losers due to attitude.

There's a noticeable difference between confidence and arrogance. The people who have the first and not the second tend to be winners, regardless of their win-loss record. Interestingly, the people with an overwhelmingly high or low self image tend to be the ones who are difficult to be around, win or lose. There may be different underlying reasons, but the behavior that manifests is remarkably similar, especially in a tournament setting.

Don't get me wrong; most people get upset and overreact from time to time, even with regards to small things in life like Magic or rush hour commuting, and that's to be expected. The thing is that, though everyone's behavior isn't always above reproach, it is often temporary. I have bad moments, like the rest of the world, so it would be a bit naive even to hope that everyone else would be gracious and polite at all times. Should opponents be judged based on limited, hour-long interactions with them?

Self awareness is an incredibly useful tool.

I find that people tend to get the most frustrated in a couple of situations when it comes to Magic. One is, obviously enough, mana screw or flood. Losing is tolerable if it's a decent game. Even if the game is over quickly, as long as people see some useful cards in their hand, it doesn't sting quite so much. Starting with a three-land hand and drawing four more land in the next five cards doesn't make for satisified players.

The other situation is when, deep down inside, the players expect to win. It sort of saddens me to say, but I'm guilty of that more often than I'd like. Take one of my Regionals matches, for example. I was playing an admittedly subpar monoblack deck with a sideboard full of white and green hate against a green and white 'Geddon deck that had no pro-black in it. I had eight maindeck critter removal spells, eight maindeck discard spells, and a sideboard with multiple copies of Perish, Marauding Knight, and other goodness. I should've eaten my opponent for lunch and come back for seconds. What happened? I took mulligans down to five cards, made multiple mistakes, and was never much of a threat for very long. Afterwards, I put up a nice, pleasant exterior, and thanked my opponent for the good match, but I was quite honestly seething on the inside.

The flip side to such feelings for me is that I recover pretty quickly. I get mad and emotional for all of around five or ten minutes, and then move on. People don't always understand that, especially when they're only present for those few minutes. Really, though, to borrow a phrase, I don't take the ass-whipping personally. And in truth, losing is almost a necessity in order to get better, and that's where self awareness comes in. Improvement is nigh impossible for people who believe that no problems exist or who refuse to even check for them. Taking an inward look now and then is advisable for everyone, even when Magic is out of the picture.

What about the other side?

Something else to mention when discussing losers is winners, and what makes for a winner-via-attitude rather than a winner-via-match wins. There are a considerable number of people who have so little going for them in life that they take joy in anything that gives them power. There are others who are simply small and petty. Often, the gut reaction is to get upset at these sorts of people, but for the long term, taking a different attitude towards them is a good idea. It's possible to just inwardly laugh at them, and I would suggest to others for health's sake to do the same. There are things in this world that are worth getting steamed about; these people are generally not among them. Without getting too warm and fuzzy, what makes for a true winner is someone who can handle losing and winning with equal enjoyment, if not necessarily satisfaction.

Direct responses:

"Nobody would go to these [small-guy-becomes-a-winner] movies repeatedly unless they or somebody they knew had such a life-altering experience."

I don't believe that for a moment. People go to such movies for escape from the real world or self-reassurance that things aren't always as hopeless as they think. Or, and maybe this is just me, for entertainment. Lots of people go to horror movies, catastrophe movies, and romance movies. Does this mean that they or somebody they knew has been brutally tortured, buried in an avalanche, or involved in a picturebook love story? Yes, inspiration is everywhere, if people know where to look for it. More importantly, it's there if they want to look for it. Even more importantly, it's there if they want to act on it. How many people, instead of making the effort and taking on the burden of making their lives better, watch movies about people who make their own lives better? It's easy and comfortable to stay where things are safe or familiar, in a loveless marriage or a dead-end job. Change is the hard part. Sure, it may not be the best situation in the world, but it's guaranteed, so why mess with it? "Things could always be worse" is not a sentence that leads to change.

"No one plays Magic non-professionally just to win."

No one? I guess I've met some no ones then. They're not always pleasant to be around, but yeah, they play to win no matter what the environment.

"We play for the RECOGNITION from our peers."

We do? Nobody told me that when I learned how to play. Is that also why we play Chess, Tekken Tag, Trivial Pursuit, Bridge, Zork, and Scrabble? People write for recognition, they don't play for it. In fact, aside from the very top players, it'd be a lost cause to do so. I can't name the person who won the Regionals tournament that I attended, and he even wrote an article about it.

"Why else do we write articles?"

"We" don't. You do. I do, on rare occasions. We, as a Magic community, do not. Look at the Magic newsgroups and message boards as an example; there are few consistent contributors compared to the number of players, and many of those don't write articles.

"Every LOSER is in truth a WINNER."

Nope. It appears that my world view is quite probably different from yours. Some people don't get an opportunity to change their situation. Some people really are just plain losers. I know some, and there are reasons upon reasons why I view them that way. The world is a sick, ugly, horrific, beautiful, and amazing place.

Perhaps a better way to express what I think you meant is, "Just because you lose doesn't mean you're a loser." It sounds cliche, I know, but sometimes aphorisms come about because there's truth behind them.

"PEOPLE KEEP SILENT ABOUT THE POSITIVE BUT WILL POUR OUT THEIR HEARTS ABOUT THE NEGATIVE. That is twisted indeed..."

Again, I disagree. It's not twisted at all, it's human nature. How often have you written letters to stores that you patronize? Do you write to actors, directors, and script writers when you enjoy a movie? Do you send e-mail to television networks when their programming is just fine? Odds are, no, you don't. Comfort breeds complacency, it typically takes some sort of unpleasant catalyst to bring about action.

Look at the end of your article. There, you took three sentences to mention and praise your feedback, and three paragraphs to denounce what you didn't like. There's nothing wrong with that, but I think it's unrealistic to expect different behavior from other people.

-- cwp
cwparker@alve.com