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Alternative Title: Chicken Soup for the Magically inept. Associated Soundtrack: Nothing - Worm Virus destroyed my MP3's. Associated Beverage: Tea - Authoress ran out of Vodka and Schnapps. Disclaimer: Authoress does not condone irresponsible alcohol consumption ;)

Terms:

Magic Zen: A state of contentment attained when you are happy with the role Magic: The Gathering plays in your life and you are comfortable in your decision to remain in the game in the capacity of your choice.

Its 11:30pm on Wednesday night. Regionals is this weekend. I fully intended on playing, but in the end the mundane tasks of the week got in the way of me figuring out what I was going to play and going about making a deck. I actually thought it was further away than this weekend, but like so many other things it crept up on me. I am experiencing a mild sense of guilt, because I told people I would play, or at least attend, and right now, I feel like it is the last thing I feel like, or will do. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

It has sometimes been said, that when one is moving happily forward, things tend not to creep up on you. Everyone has points in their life where they consider that they are truly at a "low point." Only our constitutions and fortitude determine exactly how well we dig ourselves out of such points. I am at a low point, for various reasons and, as a result, I am seriously considering the prospect of posting my collection for sale and give up the game entirely.

When the prospect of permanently leaving magic first entered my mind, a wave of thoughts and emotions came over me. First were the memories of starting my involvement with the game in 1996 and following my involvement with it and a now demolished share house with unfathomable sentimental value; playing on the floor, pooling cards together with a group of people who smoked Brassclaw Orcs and playing the silliest of deck types - not a card worth over $2.00 or a sleeve to be seen.

Then came the memories of tournaments past. They're easy to remember, because although I have been playing Magic for 8 years now, I can still count the number of times I have played in an actual tournament on two hands and one foot. That includes your most simplistic draft tournaments, prereleases, Friday Night Magic and other miscellaneous competitions.

Following those were the thoughts of the regular multiplayer games, week in week out in my former home town with the people I knew from those days in 1996, with various others who came and went and culminating in my present group of friends in my former home town. Wednesday night multiplayer was a tradition which continues to outlast people leaving the group. Even when the entire group didn't play for several Wednesdays, one Wednesday it would happen again, like there was never an interruption to the schedule. For us, and for me, it was somewhat of an institution.

Further to all this I recalled one of my proudest magic related moments, passing my first judge test at Worlds and becoming a level 1 judge. I recalled the tournaments I had been involved in from the official side of the staff desk. The people you meet, the hard work so well masked by all the fun you have, all the things I have learned. I recall the enormous amount of work I had to put in to pass that test, learning virtually everything by ROTE! (If I were to be measured in any form which involved having a mind conducive to understanding algorithmic patterns and logic, I am not afraid to honestly say I would continue, to this day, to fail abysmally). Then I had to make a conscious effort to judge as much as I could in order to keep my skills up and improve my knowledge as much as possible. This was a happy effort to make. From Worlds to GP Sydney I judged all the big events with the exception of one Nationals.

For other people who have contemplated leaving the game for whatever reason, and then, either subsequently have left, or stayed I wonder if they too have experienced the same thoughts. I should imagine that they would have had to, to some extent. Naturally, a lot can depend on one's attachment to the game.

Some people can be like the man who spent a lot of money on a kayak and paddled it once, before finding they no longer had the time or inclination to continue the pursuit. For other people, like myself, who have played the game on and off for a long time and have deep social ties to the game, the decision can become substantially more than just quitting a hobby. Later in this article I consider five of the most common potential reasons for leaving the game when it has been more than just a passing fad, and then give suggestions on what you may do if you're struggling with that decision. Let me start, however, with my own reasons.

Outside of the game of magic, even the most objective person (if they knew all the details) could say that my life since the time of Nationals 2000 (which I did not judge) to today has been a walking, living, breathing dedication to the proof of Murphy's Law. No doubt the low I find myself in today is a point which looks back up from its pit, stunned and confused as it gazes on the misgivings of the last four years.

Since making the move to Sydney, I have had the privilege of playing Thursday night drafts at the Sydney Games Centre, a place which has been described aptly by others as a home away from home. For me particularly, it is the meeting place of most of the friends I have down here and somewhere to go where a smile and friendly conversation is guaranteed. (Something sorely needed for persons in low points.) Unfortunately however, it has also taught me one very important thing, which I did not realise entirely until I moved to Sydney. That is, that I can't play magic for (insert expletive here). I remember a time, years ago (mostly before I devoted my magic career to judging) when I was not too bad, where I did reasonably well in a tournament or two. Even as recently as the last two prereleases, I did not do all that badly.

I pondered on this fact this evening, for some time, and although it has to be admitted and accepted that I am not a good magic player, I cannot attribute a full level of blame for my frequent Thursday failures to the simple fact that I suck. To briefly analyse the competition I face on Thursday nights at the SGC, is to look at a group of people who predominately would spend more time on MODO + play-testing and strategizing, per week, than I do engaging in the following few times a month activities:

• shopping for clothes, handbags, and shoes
• commiserating with my Sydney cousin about our non-existent and to this point disastrous love lives - in person and on the phone.
• Debating with said cousin and girlfriends (via email) over which one of us will take up smoking and dye our hair blonde to audition for Bridget Jones Movie 3.
• Talking to my cat
• Planning obscure and bewildering trips abroad.
• Getting lost in Sydney.

Only last week I sat across the table from a gentleman who I soon recognised as Alex Brown, who just happened to do come 18th at a little event called Pro Tour Amsterdam. Not to mention facing State Champions and former such, along with many very high calibre players on a near weekly basis. Subsequently, most weeks, I get annihilated, and sometimes, especially when you are at a low point, you suddenly don't feel like getting annihilated - even if it means avoiding the only friendly place in what can otherwise be a big lonely city. The thought of giving it all up and finding a hobby more conducive to rebuilding ones self esteem suddenly seems a more lucrative option.

So what is to be made of this, is it bad luck? Possibly. Is it some higher power choosing to mock me and keep me as the weekly sacrificial easy win for everyone? Possible again.

What I settled on however, was that firstly, mulling over such possibilities is not what was going to shift my hide out of this general low point - nor was deliberating on a million and one excuses for the sad state of my tournament record and rating.

The real and honest reason these guys are so good in comparison to me is that they devote countless hours of their day and life to practicing and playing the game, researching the strategy and deck lists, and refining their skills. Plus, many have a natural talent for the game. I do none of this, nor do I have any natural talent for this game. Hence, I suck and get annihilated weekly.

My next thought therefore is this: in light of the above, should I consider my weekly annihilation something that contributes to my general low state, and if possible, how can I use what I have, and what I have grown to love over the last eight years about this game to help me haul my arse into a happier existence.

Enlightenment came. I needed to attempt to rediscover my Magic Zen - a state of contentment in my role in the magical game. I had lost sight of the fact that I had devoted this year to having fun. I realised, that it was illogical for me to feel disappointed about my weekly arse whippings when I put no effort whatsoever into improving my skills - something that is entirely my own choice, my own doing, or rather not doing, and my own fault.

Now, if this was something in which I trained for, day in and day out, spent hundreds of dollars on (for cards and MODO), stayed up late reading strategy articles and subscribed to magic websites and I still sucked at, then I would have more than sufficient reason to throw this hobby in front of an oncoming train or over a rocky waterfall in a poorly assembled barrel.

I came to the conclusion that at this point in time I am not quite ready to give the game away although any cash at the moment from selling my collection would come in handy. Rather, I had to re-evaluate my position in the game, and what I could do to make the game an outlet that was more enjoyable for me. In a term, find my Magic Zen. I came up with the following strategies:

Strategies for finding Magic Zen

1. Remember what about the game you enjoyed the most and embrace it. For me personally, that is limited formats, collecting, social play/multiplayer, and selling cards here and there. It may be hard to recall but all of us at one stage or another started playing this game because we found it fun.

2. Remain realistic in your game results and tournament expectations. If you put no effort into becoming a pro at the game, don't expect to win all the time or be surprised when you lose (Sounds simple, but we all know the people who blame game loss after game loss on anything but themselves and their lack of inclination to put the effort in.)

   Note however: Gloating and yelling from tabletops is appropriate in the cases of famous victories eg: Scott Smith (See Cancon: A Tale of 2 Villas and a Belated Pictorial) and that game I look off Tim He in Dee Why between deck construction and Round 1 of a limited tournament. I wish I had had my camera, I'd have an alternative avatar on Paradise.

3. Remember your talents (everyone is good at something, yes everyone, even you and even that person commonly considered to be an idiot God amongst idiots) - embrace your talents. I consider it entirely safe to say that there is not a Magic player here or anywhere on the globe that can haggle a better price on handbags, jewellery and clothing than myself. The psychological cunning involved in such negotiations is extraordinarily intense. If there were a pro tour for it, I would certainly be World Champion.

These strategies might be all well and good for someone like myself who can fall back on shopping, philosophising about male and other human attitudes, and planning half baked sojourns overseas as hobbies - but what if your experience falls into a different scenario? Let me attempt to provide some options to ruminate on when you are considering leaving the game for some common reasons, but are not sure if you want to or not:

Scenarios and examples to help if you need to find your Magic Zen

1) Week in week out you play at tournaments, you love the game, you try to improve your skills and you still suck?

Analyse honestly the reason why you may be losing. Did you really get mana-screwed for the last 6 tournaments in every round? Really? Then decide to what level you want to improve your skills. If you want to be the world champion, your effort is going to have to differ somewhat to if you just want to put on a respectable effort at your local tournament. Then decide if you are prepared to make a commitment to that.

If you want to improve your game play try asking the opponent who just beat you where you could have improved, what mistakes he or she observed. Perhaps they could have a look at your deck and sideboard and give feedback. (In my experience, anyone who has just beat you absolutely loves the opportunity to do this perhaps its ego stroking, I don't know).

In time, with continued play, you will improve. You must accept however, especially if you have a dreadful mind for strategy like mine, that you may only be able to get so far. Normally, when you have a dreadful mind for strategy like mine, you can realise this and can accept it gracefully.

2) What if you have played the game for years and have come to a point where you just don't find it as enjoyable anymore, but you are reluctant to give up the game?

Think back, what did you used to enjoy when you were still happy in the game? What was your favourite expansion? Why? (Should you be devoting your time to Type 1? - Helpful for those still with an unhealthy loving relationship with Sharharazad) What suits you at the moment? (i.e.: what amount of time does the rest of your life allow you to play the game) perhaps you are trying to keep up with too much. Trial doing only what you enjoy the most for a while (e.g. Playing constructed only for a while if that is what you enjoy the most) and see if your enjoyment levels improve. If they don't, really try to figure out what it is that is attaching you to the game. Perhaps it is the social aspect of the game. Perhaps it is the people involved (I know its far fetched, but, perhaps it is ;P) J/k

3) Financial, work, or partner commitments have cut into your time enormously and you look on your magic cards (or worse your partner does) as something that might help fund renovations to the pending nursery.

Maybe you have come to a point where you have to make certain sacrifices in order to support another aspect of your life. It is common for a lot of people to give up the game following involvement in a long term relationship, or marriage, or the arrival of children. If you are completely fine with this and selling the cards to fund the growing need for nappies then good for you.

If you are not, you may need to do some significant negotiation with your significant other. It is common sense that it is important in any relationship for both parties to continue to have some hobbies which they enjoy outside of the relationship. You may have to curb your spending, but there should be no reason why a compromise cannot be negotiated.

If you partner won't budge or compromise, I would question the future success of your union. You may have to nominate and set out particular times of the week and budgets with your partner which are agreeable to you both to maintain your Magic hobby, or you may need to sell a part of your collection which is no longer useful to you. It's all about compromise.

If on the other hand you are too busy at work, school or Uni to play magic, don't be hasty (like I have seen so many people) and just give up and sell your collection. (Unless you really want to). Like so many of us you will be regretting the day you sold those Alpha and Beta Cards years ago now for a pittance. Magic is a game where a lot of people do decide to return after long exoduses from the scene. You may be one of them. You will not be this busy at work school or uni forever, even though it seems you might be.

If you are too poor to continue playing magic you may need to sell a few cards or curb your habit. If you are at the point where you are living off Homebrand hamburger patties as your main source of protein or worse yet, food in general (good luck they are 80% fat, 20% cardboard or something like that) then you really need to reconsider your priorities. Unless you are desperate I would not recommend selling your entire collection just because you are going through a poor phase. Just put what you can on hold and play casually with what you have, or save for the events you really want to play in. It's a hugely annoying sacrifice, but it really is better than the Homebrand hamburger patties, and Homebrand 2 minute noodles and no doubt better for your intestines in the long run.

4) You are stuck in one of life's low points and feel like the hobby is not contributing to your life and happiness.

Remember why you started playing the game. What about it is still fun for you? If you are in a general low you need to try to ensure you are having as much fun as you possibly can so don't engage in parts of the game that no longer do it for you - even if you have been doing it for years. When a lot of things go wrong in your life, the resulting feelings can consume you before you realise it. If you need a break for a couple of weeks, take it, but ensure you go back to whatever it is you find enjoyable, even if you really have to force yourself at times. It might give you just enough smiles, laughs and energy to get you through the other crap going on in your life, and when things get really bad, you will look back and value those times.

Finally, tell at least one person you trust that you are having a rough time, even if you don't go into details about what you are going through, so they can keep an eye on you if you go through times where you can't be arsed getting out and about. But when you can be, make the effort. Enjoy the game for what it is, a game, which is supposed to be fun and continue them when things get better.

5) You feel you have "outgrown" the game?

Hanging out with smelly men and 14 year olds not doing it for you? (I'm genuinely shocked ;-p) Ironically enough this is one of the few reasons hardest to rationalise out of. Sometimes hobbies die a natural death and this is one of them. If you are feeling you have outgrown the game but are not sure, put things on hold for a while before you sell your collection. Then, if after however long you decide you will not return to the game, make what you can from your cards or keep them as part of your memories of all that money you used to spend on cardboard and that time you spent on this little game. If, in time you do return to the game, you are sure to become "that guy with all those really old cards", and I am yet to meet one of those guys considered to be "un cool".

To conclude all of us, at one stage or another, will come to a point where we consider whether or not we are going to leave the game. For some of us, it is easy, we can just stop playing, sell the cards and think nothing of it. For many others, and certainly for many of the people that I know that have been playing years, the thought of leaving the game is nothing short of leaving part of your life behind. Therefore, making that decision to stay or go can be something which involves a little bit of soul searching. I encourage anyone facing that decision to first attempt to find their Magic Zen. I hope that the options presented in this article may be of even some minor use for any of you out there thinking of leaving the game for whatever reason.

For me, well, my decision is to stay in the game this year anyway, do what I love which is playing limited, in all its types, selling a few cards here and there, collecting my non-basic lands and legends and if casual or multiplayer starts happening in Sydney then engaging in that. That, is my Magic Zen. I have already booked my room for Nationals this year, even if I end up only playing in the side events, I know I will have fun, and to me, that is all that matters. Whether I stay in the game longer than this year remains to be seen, I will re-evaluate how I feel about it when the time comes.

Good Luck

Samantha Hepworth

P.S. To the Wednesday Night Multiplayer Magic Group of Brisbane (You know who you are) I miss you. [ED: and we miss you too.]

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