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Editor:Staff 21st May 2008
What Type of Magic Player are You? Part II
By John Savill Just for fun, I’ve decided to produce part two of “What Type of Magic Player are You?”. This one is dedicated more to the multiplayer aspect of the game, which is generally where I rack up most of my playtime. This is also dedicated to some of my playing “friends”…revenge for all those thrashings. And now, without further ado… The Player Hater Another from the dark side of the chronicles of Magic games, this is the guy who loves to play multiplayer games and loves to “hate” on a specific player in that game. He builds excellent 1 on 1 decks and more than holds his own when playing. Then, he spots the prey, the n00b, the funny looking guy with bad odour or maybe he does it with a D6 or d20 at the start of the game, however he does it, he picks a single player to “hate” on. From the first turn, you can be guaranteed that the player will somehow sling a minimum of 5-damage at said player’s head, guaranteeing, that he is playing a burn deck. The prey takes it in stride and continues with his game plan….If only he knew, the embarrassment, the annoying early turn 3 death…. He will not say good game, he will not shake your hand, he will just wait till the next game and burn you out again….laughing, laughing at you…. Typical Decks: The Equaliser The equaliser loves a game of magic. He will play until the cows come home and the closer the game the better. He prefers Multiplayer, but is still keen on 1 on 1 matches. He loves playing against mass token decks, players with hordes of tribal creatures, decks relying on large amounts of lands….and he knows three words…. “Armageddon”, “Wrath” and “Balance”. He is old school, but he loves “Damnation”, and he loves the feeling of a reset button, the Player Hater can’t stand it, because as they are ready to burn out their hapless prey to death, the big fella in the corner hits the reset button. Suddenly, there are no creatures, minimal lands, reduced hand, and all the “Hater’s” plans fall to naught. He is a 50/50 winner and has trained to play magic under tight mana and creature playing restrictions, thus giving him a 60/40 Win/Lose ratio. He will shake your hand and say “Good Game” and he will laugh at the beetroot colour the Player Hater’s face has turned. Typical Decks The Infinite Combo A*****e Technically, I could just say “enuff said” but enuff cannot be said about the random jankiness and downright underhanded ability of this player to pull some kind of infinite Damage/Mana/Creature Token/Draw Mechanism to completely….well win. This guy is similar to the Good Guy Pro in his McGuyver ability; with this know how in hand, it’s a wonder he/she hasn’t invented or discovered something important, such as perpetual motion, peace in the Middle East…or something moderately useful. Instead, they’ve discovered the Earthcraft/Creature token Combo or any other utterly ridiculous combo where you somehow tap three lands and an artifact and it’s game over because of an infinite combo. These people are OC (Obsessive Compulsive) and Anally Retentive to the point where trying to squeeze a fart out would make them explode….or create a random new infinite combo. Multiplayer is this player’s choice, and he loves to sit back for a little before he strikes. He will not say “Good Game” or shake your hand, he will just laugh insanely as he toddles back to the home for the criminally insane….a*****e. Typical Decks The Fanboy This is the player who….actually, they aren’t a player, they’re ridiculous. If you’re reading this article, then, you love your Magic, and we can all understand what a great game it is. While we love playing Magic, there is a dirty blemish to the game. The Fanboy. This “player” has multiples of every card that is worth more than $8. He does not trade, only sells if he is going to completely rip you off or…no, he only wants to completely rip you off, DO NOT BE FOOLED, yet another person who will trade your left arm and saintly mother for a Llanowar Elves (foil, out of the graciousness of his heart)! He is not your friend, he is a pure fiend. He knows only two words “More” and ‘Foil”, and upon opening his file to look at his collection, you are immediately blinded by the perfect rows of foils as far as your eye can see, then, when it comes time to sit down and play, he will say “Oh no, sorry, I don’t play, I just collect.” Guaranteed he will also have some kind of stalker fetish for one of the artists….watch out Rebecca Guay. Typical Decks The I’d Rather… This player loves playing. But, unfortunately, he’d rather play any game other than the one that you are playing at that point in time. You never get an idea on how well this guy can actually play, or even his collection, because by the time you are half way through the first game, he’s bombed out and sits with a look of scorn on his face and….wait for it…suddenly, here it comes… “I’d rather be playing Dungeons and Dragons”. His timing is perfect, his tone, flawless, his voice dripping in malice, disappointment and just downright boredom. He is almost the Goth of Magic. But, Be warned, even if you do change games, he will soon bore of that one too, and list yet another game that he’d rather play. Remember, dear, fellow magic player, there is only one response to this guy…when he says “I’d rather play…” the only response is, “Well, I’d rather play your sister or mum, but that’ll never happ…No WAIT!!! It Did Last Night!!!!”. Either that or just slap them…hard, they deserve it. Thankyou dear reader for your time, I hope you have enjoyed my participation
in supplying these articles for your perusal. I’d like to thank
the various members I’ve met through MTG Paradise as well as all
the people I’ve grown in this game with. I’m not a jaded or
cynical person, and I still love playing MTG. This is in no way a direct
accusation, witch hunt, rant or hate on anyone in particular or the game
itself, so I hope you have enjoyed these articles in the spirit they were
written….to take the p**s.
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