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Interesting Melbourne Tips (1): One of the 3 things I love most about Melbourne is their intricate tramline that takes you everywhere around the city for a reasonable price. However, if you have the bad luck to run into a ticket inspector while trying to get away with a free ride the inspector will let you get away if you say, "Uh, I'm from Sydney and have no idea how the machine works." This is even though the instructions are written in ENGLISH.

Having never been to the Melbourne myself, I have always wondered what the city is like. Some people I know claim that Melbourne is nothing but a cheap version of Sydney that rains all the time without any of the tourist attractions that Sydney has. Others have told me that Melbourne is a wonderful city with a vibrant nightlife and shopping aplenty. Thus, seizing the opportunity of the Melbourne Magic the Gathering Grand Prix, I decided to travel to the Victorian city myself to see what it really has to offer.

Though I love traveling, some of the things that I wish I could do without are arranging flights and accommodations. Fortunately our Sydney traveling veteran Ben Seck was kind enough to book our hotel for us and suggest that we should catch the train down together. While the train ride is 12 hours compared to 2 hours of flight, the fare is also $50 cheaper and we can always pass the time by playing cards. Being a major tight-ass and desperate for traveling companions, I thought that it was a good idea at the time and agreed to travel with Scott, Sol, Ben, Simon and Tim to Melbourne by country link trains.

Throughout the week before we went down to Melbourne, I continuously badgered Ben about where everyone is seated fearing that I might have to suffer 12 hours worth of train ride by myself. Ben, being the optimistic go-getter that he is, told me that he will tell me on the day and there is nothing to worry about because the train will be relatively empty this time of the year. Therefore we can always change seats at the last minute. Since I was burdened with exams at the time, I didn't bother to press the issue and I decide to put my faith in someone who claims to know what he was doing.

Come Thursday afternoon, the group of us hooked up at Sydney Game Center to do some last minute drafting before catching the train down. That was when Ben decides to inform us that he wouldn't be going to Melbourne by the train with us after all because his ticket was double booked and there are no seats left on the train. So not only does it mean that we will have to locate the hotel by ourselves (and none of us have ever been to Melbourne) but we will also have to sit with strangers because only Simon and Scott have arranged to sit together.

Being rather annoyed by this turn of events, I told Ben something about his mother that he didn't like and in return, he gave us a half assed apology that sounded lame even before he uttered it. I probably would have continued my tantrum a bit longer if Ben didn't arrange our accommodation but since he DID do us that favor, he have, in a sense, had us by the crotch (not literally, though I wouldn't put it pass him). Therefore, he got away with his SIN with just a few choice words that I have in store for such occasions. If I had known how bad the train was going to be though, I probably would have spilled his guts on the spot even if it meant that I would have had to sleep on the streets.

When I first decided to travel to Melbourne by train, I had always imagined that it will be like in the movies where there are 2 seats facing each other and a table inbetween for us to play cards with. There will also be a dining car where you can sit and eat and there might even be pillows (like on planes) provided so you can rest your head on it while you sleep.

I might as well have wished for faeries and leprechauns while I'm on Fantasy Island.

The cruel reality of country link is that there are just rows and rows of small seats like on normal trains, which might have had enough leg-room for you to maneuver if you are a dwarf. In addition, the seats are so tight that you can hear everyone man, woman and child talking. The worst part of the train ride though was the fat man sitting in front of me who was snoring so loud that I think everyone living in Victoria could hear us arriving. If his snoring was monotonous, I might have been able to get used to it and eventually fall asleep. Except his snoring is so artistic that it has high notes and low notes like a symphony with a tasty little chorus to boot. Being a more subtle person myself, I have tried to wake him by kicking at his seat repeatedly and blame it on someone else if he wakes up. But alas, my plan was foiled as he slept like a baby until he got off at his stop. I got about 3 hours worth of so-called sleep after that, since I don't think anyone could slumber in those cramped seats.

So after a night of fitful sleep and the repeated cursing on Ben, we arrive at Melbourne at 8:00am because the train was an hour late. After some serious discussion on what we should do, we realized that none of us actually know where we are or where we are going. It was lucky that Sol, the 14 year old, bothered to learn the name of the hotel and the street it was located on or we would have had no lead to the place at all. Since we had to wait for Ben to arrive to confirm the reservation, we took our time to have breakfast and wandered around for a bit before we get to the hotel at 9:00am.

Call me ignorant if you will but when I heard that we are staying in a hotel, I thought that there would be a mini bar, complimentary shampoo/conditioners and most importantly, a private bathroom. Once again, I have set myself up for disappointment because although Victoria Hotel has a TV, air conditioning and decent bed, we have to wash our hair with soap (of all things!) and share a bathroom with a block of rooms. After having no sleep, an hour walk through the city and suffering sever disappointment in the living quarters, I almost had apoplexy when Ben told me that on top of missing all the luxury items that I'm used to, the hotel used to be a hospital and we are staying at the old mental ward (with iron gates). However, at that stage of time I was so beyond shocked that the best response I could muster was:

"Do you think it is stupid to buy a hair-dryer just for one trip?" (No need to email me the answer for that one).

Since I was the only person who slept instead of staying up and play cards all night on the train, Ben and I went out to the city for lunch while the others stayed behind to catch up on some slumbering. After lunch, we returned to our hotel to pick up the rest of the group so we can travel to the Melbourne Convention center where the Grand Prix was held. We registered for the Grand Prix on Saturday and I got to meet my favorite editor Rebecca (Chaoslord for those who don't know her real name), her boyfriend Andrew and some of their other friends. For those of you who have been reading the forums for a bit (losers) you might have heard that Rebecca jest about showing up at the GP dressed as a schoolgirl and to my surprise, she actually did. Considering how many of you like your apples green like my friend Biggs, I probably should have taken a photo but I didn't because I was too busy feeling traumatized [Ed: I was legal, dammit!]. If you really need to slake that kind of thirst, that's what Britney Spears film clips are for.

For dinner, most Magic players have decided to have take-out so they can draft in their rooms, but David Conford and I have choose to dine in a proper restaurant because we thought that this trip was more about traveling than being a geek. Out of all the restaurants we walk passed, we were lured to the Brown Sugar Café by their Latin music band and lovely aroma. The Café itself was located in this really cozy street with a few other restaurants beside it and heaters on the wall to keep the chill out. The food was fantastic and the vodka and orange was so yummy that I downed 4 before the food arrived.

Being rather alarmed by the rate I was drinking those things and the way I was leering at her, the waitress told me that I should go easy on the drinks because although it tastes hardly alcoholic, yet it is still pretty potent. When I asked the waitress why the drinks tasted so good, she told me that it is because they use freshly squeezed orange juice instead of the bottled stuff most people use.

With our hunger sated and God knows how much alcohol David and I have decided to return to our mental ward to get some much-needed shut eye. To nobody's surprise, Scott and Simon were still drafting when we returned and being the nice accommodating roommate that I am, I inform the 2 that if they don't finish their draft within the next half an hour, I'll throw their belongings out the window. The threat worked, people buzzed off and I finally some decent sleep that I desperately needed.

End of Thursday/Friday

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